Rolling the Dice: Commerce

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Commerce, the West Villager brought to you by two Montrachet alums, Tony Zazula and Harold Moore. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 6-1
One Star: 2-1 √√
Two Stars: 3-1
Three Stars: 9-1
Four Stars: 25,000-1

The Skinny: It has been a long time since we hated—I mean, really hated—a restaurant, coupled with a near-total belief that there was nothing the management could do to rescue the place. But that was how we felt about Commerce, which we detested in every way imaginable.

Yet, every critic to review Commerce has given Harold Moore his due: the guy can cook. Based on the series of kitchens he has run, I have to assume the turgid entrées they served us were atypical. Based on the reviews, I have to assume that the team at Commerce usually have their act together—or at least, that they know a critic when they see one.

The ambiance here is so unpleasant that I was tempted to change my rating system to allow negative stars, but it’s clear the critics in town—while recognizing the drawbacks—didn’t deduct as many style points as I did. And Bruni’s verdict is seldom far off of the critical mainstream.

There’s also the dicta in Bruni’s Chop Suey review, in which he was trying to figure out where to take a friend visiting from Spain. The places he considered, besides Chop Suey? Adour, Mia Dona, and Commerce. The reviews are in on the first two, both positive. He’s not likely to have considered taking his friend to a restaurant he disliked. Then again, he took the friend to Chop Suey!

The Bet: Though torn, we agree with Eater that Commerce is likely to just barely cross the finish line with two stars.

The Payoff: Merkato 55

Today, Frank Bruni drops one star on Merkato 55, finding the highs and lows that we expected. The highs:

With the qualified exceptions of Morocco and Egypt, Africa hasn’t received much high-gloss treatment on the Manhattan restaurant scene…

Merkato 55 fixes that, and how.

With some 150 seats on two elaborately decorated levels in the overexposed, overwrought, when-will-it-be-over meatpacking district, it does more than give many African cuisines a degree of conventional polish they don’t usually get…

That is not a bad concept, and Merkato 55, at its best, is a bold adventure, ranging across the entire African continent in search of dishes you don’t see often enough and dishes you haven’t seen before.

The lows:

The menu mingles inspiration with too many hedges: the tuna tartar that astonishingly exists in every cuisine’s canon, at least once that canon has been translated for modern-day New York; a lobster salad with ambiguous sub- or supra-Saharan bearings; a thinly veiled steak frites; a rack of lamb — supposedly graced with an Ethiopian berbere spice mixture, including garlic, red pepper, cardamom and fenugreek — that could be any restaurant’s rack of lamb.

My companions and I had lovely service and we had laughable service, usually on different nights but sometimes on the same one.

We and Eater both win $2 on our hypothetical one-dollar bets.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$86.50		$97.67
Gain/Loss	+2.00		+2.00
Total	$88.50		$99.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	38–15		38–15

Rolling the Dice: Merkato 55

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Marcus Samuelsson’s homage to Africa, Merkato 55. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 6-1
One Star: 2-1 √√
Two Stars: 3-1
Three Stars: 9-1
Four Stars: 25,000-1

The Skinny: Here’s a brief primer on Merkato 55.

Marcus Samuelsson was born of African parents, but raised in Sweden. He became executive chef at the star-endowed Aquavit (which features Swedish cuisine) at an extremely young age, and by most accounts the restaurant is still delivering the goods, night after night—not withstanding our mildly disappointing meal there.

Merkato 55 offers Samuelsson’s take on African cuisine, but the concept is problematic on almost every level. Samuelsson is hardly ever there, and according to Eater, “he’s said to own a single-digit percentage of the restaurant.” Does it even make sense to claim to cover a whole continent?

Samuelsson’s record outside of Aquavit doesn’t inspire confidence. His only other non-Swedish venture was the Asian-fusion Riingo. It’s still open after more than four years, but it’s totally off the foodie radar. When we visited recently, we quickly saw why. And it has a lot in common with Merkato 55: a cuisine Samuelsson isn’t known for, a restaurant he pays no attention to.

Merkato 55 is in the Meatpacking District, which is better known for pub-crawling tourists than serious cuisine. There are plenty of restaurants here, but the neighborhood hasn’t had a critical success since Spice Market, four years ago. Bruni has never liked a Meatpacking District restaurant.

Early reviewers agree that it’s possible to cobble together a good meal at Merkato 55. The better dishes are probably good for at least one star, especially as there’s not much else in New York to compare them to. Bruni seldom gives the goose-egg unless a restaurant is hideously over-priced, or there’s almost nothing worth ordering. Merkato 55 is better than that.

But to get two stars, Merkato 55 will have to have a high ratio of hits to misses. Bruni will be skeptical of the absentee chef and a neighborhood where restaurants don’t stay good for long.

The Bet: We agree with Eater that Frank Bruni will award one star to Merkato 55 this week.

The Payoff: Adour

Today, Frank Bruni awarded the expected three stars to Alain Ducasse’s newest restaurant, Adour:

Alain Ducasse may never live down the grandiose way he first swept into town, granting blinkered New Yorkers a vision of French elegance few of them had ever experienced, expected or, for that matter, asked for…

This time around he’s taking a less flamboyant approach, and he’s eager to get out that message, so much so that advance reports on Adour, named for a river in France, made it sound like an embellished wine bar.

Right. It’s a wine bar the way Lourdes is a roadside shrine, and it proves that even a dressed-down Mr. Ducasse is still a puffed-up anybody else…

But you’ll notice a relative straightforwardness in many preparations that distinguishes Adour from its Essex House ancestor. And among a well-edited collection of dishes that range from quietly appealing to quietly stunning, you won’t notice that forebear’s ostentation.

Someone seems to have put happy pills in Frank’s coffee. He has already awarded three stars to four restaurants this year, two of which are new. Last year, he gave out three stars only six times all year, and they were all re-reviews. This is also the fourth time this year that Frank has filed a reasonably favorable review of a French restaurant, a cuisine he has not historically been fond of.

We and Eater both win $3 on our hypothetical one-dollar bets.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$83.50		$94.67
Gain/Loss	+3.00		+3.00
Total	$86.50		$97.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	37–15		37–15

Rolling the Dice: Adour

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Alain Ducasse’s Adour, the chef’s latest attempt to bring high-end French dining to New York. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 15-1
One Star: 10-1
Two Stars: 6-1
Three Stars: 3-1 √√
Four Stars: 7-1

The Skinny: We weren’t impressed with Adour. Perhaps its far superior predecessor, Alain Ducasse at the Essex House, cast too long a shadow. We found Adour boring and underwhelming, a verdict that a number of other early diners have shared. Even New York’s Adam Platt, while awarding three stars, seemed to damn with faint praise: “Ducasse’s new, occasionally flat interpretations of local tastes is rescued by the elegant room (one star), the elevated cooking technique (another star), and the desserts (the third star).”

On top of that, Bruni has never shown much affection for French food. Until quite recently—his review of La Sirène, to be specific—I was not aware of an example where Bruni went to a French restaurant by choice. He visited them, to be sure, but only when the visit was more-or-less compelled by circumstances beyond his control. No restaurant critic can avoid French food entirely, but it just doesn’t seem to float his boat the way Italian, Asian, and steakhouses do.

For all of these reasons, until a week ago, we were ready to bet the house that Adour would receive at best two stars from Bruni, with a singleton being a not indistinct possibility. But as Eater noted, we can’t ignore the dicta in last week’s review: “I knew that Chop Suey, which I’d visited before, wouldn’t give us a meal as proficient and pampering as the one we’d get at, say, Adour.”

Now, for a restaurant at Adour’s price level, a two-star review is a put-down, and Bruni knows it. If he thinks Adour is “proficient and pampering,” he has to award the three stars the restaurant was designed for. You just can’t call Adour “proficient” while two-starring it.

We could leave it at that, but there’s one other observation. Critics love it when their opinion is perceived to be vindicated. Bruni wasn’t fond of Adour’s predecessor at the Essex House, demoting it from four stars to three. It was one of the dumbest reviews of his tenure, but it happened, and the restaurant closed. He was vindicated. Bruni thinks New Yorkers no longer want traditional formality. He is wrong, but that’s what he thinks. Adour is a lot less formal than Ducasse’s old space in the Essex House. Bruni is again vindicated, and the review will surely say so.

The Bet: We agree with Eater that Frank Bruni will award three stars to Adour.

The Payoff: Chop Suey

In today’s Times, Frank Bruni awards one star to Chop Suey. He finds the view better than the food:

…sometimes food isn’t the primary consideration in deciding where to eat, and some restaurants have persuasive charms beyond the perimeter of the plate. Chop Suey is all about setting, a second-floor perch in the Renaissance Hotel that juts like a ship’s prow into a bold, brash sea of light.

As expected, he’s not impressed with the idea of consultant-chefs, Zak Pelaccio and Will Goldfarb:

The erratic results underscore the question of just how engaged such consultants get: of whether, once they’ve lofted a few ideas and cashed their paychecks, they feel any real pride of ownership or bother to follow through. I have my doubts. Chop Suey didn’t assuage them.

But there are enough winners to justify a star:

In intent, most dishes are more distinctive than the lowest-common-denominator tourist grub prevalent in this patch of town. Some are more distinctive in actuality, too.

The char siu — roasted pork with Hong Kong noodles as thin as angel-hair pasta — is described on the menu as “twice caramelized,” and the dominoes of tender pork demonstrate why. They have crisp, sweet surfaces and corners.

Crisp pie-shaped slices of scallion pancake are given some fruity zip by an Asian pear mostarda. A thick, juicy hamburger forsakes the usual condiments for kimchi, which does the trick. It’s a Korean Whopper.

As for Korean gnocchi, Chop Suey rushes in where Momofuku Ssam Bar earlier trod, serving steamed rice cakes with a spicy pork Bolognese of sorts. They don’t fall far short of their idols.

We and Eater both win $3 on our hypothetical one-dollar bets.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$80.50		$91.67
Gain/Loss	+3.00		+3.00
Total	$83.50		$94.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	36–15		36–15

Rolling the Dice: Chop Suey

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Times Square’s latest Chinese restaurant, Chop Suey. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 4-1
One Star: 3-1 √√
Two Stars: 6-1
Three Stars: 25-1
Four Stars: 5,000-1

The Skinny: Chop Suey has attracted a little bit of critical attention, thanks to its two “consulting chefs,” Zak Pelaccio (savories) and Will Goldfarb (desserts). The Post’s Steve Cuozzo loved it. New Yorker’s Ligaya Mishan wasn’t impressed at all. Cuozzo’s tastes are notoriously opposite of Frank Bruni’s, so we’re more inclined to trust Mishan.

In case the term “consulting chef” is new to you, it basically means they phoned in a couple of menu ideas, pocketed a fee, and have hardly visited the place since it opened. Pelaccio and Goldfarb are talented guys, but these days no one can keep track of all their projects. We don’t expect Bruni to look favorably on chefs who can’t be bothered to show up, and Bruni has never been much of a Goldfarb fan anyway.

If the online menu is accurate, appetizers at Chop Suey average around $15, and entrées around $30, which means you can’t get out of there for less than $50 a head, assuming you drink cokes. That’s a lot of money for Chinese food. It had better be good, or Bruni will bring out his hatchet in a hurry.

Ordinarily we’d be grabbing the zero-star odds, but we hesitate for a couple of reasons. In Times Square, there’s a zero-star restaurant every fifteen feet. It’s one of the city’s few neighborhoods where you expect every restaurant to be bad. Is there any news value in a zero-star review of a Times Square restaurant, especially one that most of the city’s other critics ignored?

The Bet: We agree with Eater that Frank Bruni will “award” —we use the term loosely — one star to Chop Suey.

The Payoff: Mia Dona

Today, Frank Bruni awards two stars to Mia Dona. It was a predictable outcome, given Bruni’s love of hearty Italian comfort food at economy prices, sans tablecloths. And if any chef knows how to push all of Bruni’s buttons, it’s Michael Psilakis:

At the big-hearted new restaurant Mia Dona you’ll find pasta dishes so forcefully flavored and generously portioned they could play as well at Carmine’s as at Del Posto. You’ll find a deep-fried rabbit appetizer that owes less to the grand commanders of haute cuisine than to Colonel Sanders. You’ll find meatloaf.

And if you step back to survey all of what you’re eating and all of what it’s costing — which, in the context of the restaurant’s East Side neighborhood, isn’t very much — you’ll find something else: a portrait of a rising young chef with more practicality than vanity, even though the acclaim that’s rushed his way over the last few years has given him ample reason to preen…

We win $4 on our hypothetical bet, while Eater loses $1.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$81.50		$87.67
Gain/Loss	–1.00		+4.00
Total	$80.50		$91.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	35–15		35–15

Rolling the Dice: Mia Dona

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Mia Dona, the latest production of chef Michael Psilakis and restauranteur Donatella Arpaia. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 8-1
One Star: 3-1 √√
Two Stars: 4-1
Three Stars: 8-1
Four Stars: 15,000-1

The Skinny: Frank Bruni hearts Michael Psilakis. He has awarded two stars to every one of Psilakis’s New York restaurants to date (Onera, Dona, Anthos). He also adores Kefi—he devoted two blog posts to the mere fact that it was moving—although he delegated its review to $25-and-under columnist Peeter Meehan.

Eater thinks that two stars for Mia Dona is a “hard sell,” given that Mia Dona’s casual vibe and super-low prices put it practically in Meehan’s territory. But that has never stopped Bruni before. He holds the New York Times record for two-star ratings given to $25-and-under restaurants.

Perhaps the most relevant precedent is Ureña, which won two stars from Bruni. It re-opened (after a slight make-over) as Pamplona, with food not quite as good, but prices much gentler on the pocket book. Bruni, once again, awarded two stars.

That’s precisely the situation we have here: Dona was forced to close when Psilakis and Arpaia lost their lease. They moved six blocks away, changed the name, and installed a simpler menu at much humbler prices.

All the pieces are in place for a two-star review. The only question is whether Bruni likes it as much as we did.

The Bet: Given Bruni’s obvious affection for Psilakis’s cooking, the Ureña/Pamplona precedent, and our own high opinion of the place, we are betting that Frank Bruni will award two stars to Mia Dona.

The Payoff: Mas

Yesterday, Frank Bruni upgraded Mas to two stars, omitting to mention that this is the rating it deserved in the first place:

In growing older Mas has indeed grown wiser. Its talented chef, Galen Zamarra, is making better decisions and his kitchen operates with more discipline than in 2004, when I gave the restaurant one star.

Frank is amazed that restaurants that start out good can actually stay good:

Too many restaurants start off like gangbusters, only to sag into a sour, cynical middle age while they’re still young. Once they’ve made their first impression, they focus mainly on making money. In lumbering lock step, the Champagne flutes and the servers lose their sparkle.

They even polish the silver: “The exquisite place settings, with gleaming silverware propped in flawlessly parallel lines on carved slate wedges: wasn’t this the jittery perfectionism seen in enterprises still awaiting judgment?”

Eater and New York Journal both win $3 on our hypothetical one-dollar bets.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$78.50		$84.67
Gain/Loss	+3.00		+3.00
Total	$81.50		$87.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	35–14		34–15