The Payoff: Rouge Tomate

Today, Frank Bruni damns Rouge Tomate with faint praise, awarding one-star:

…for all its glimmer and good intentions, Rouge Tomate falters somewhat. While about a quarter of the dishes are knockouts, at least as many are overly calculated and fastidious, suggesting there’s such a thing as too much balance.

The review is fair enough on its own terms, given that Bruni wasn’t going to fall in love with this type of food, no matter how well it was done. However, one comment seemed off-key:

There’s a super-deluxe grandness to its setting that suddenly seems dated in the extreme, a vestige of headier, more hedonistic times. It had a fin de siècle feel…

Of course, Bruni knows that the over-the-top décor was planned in better times. He also knows that most recessions last no more than a year or two, after which Rouge Tomate could be suddenly ahead of its time. Perhaps this recession will be worse—nobody really knows—but it’s no reason to be condemning excellence.

As we noted yesterday, there were ample reasons for believing Frank Bruni would not love this place, along with ample others for believing—as Eater and I both did—that he would grant a second star. The uncertainty was reflected in the odds, wherein any outcome from zero to two stars was reasonably likely. That doesn’t happen very often.

We and Eater both lose $1 on our hypothetical bets.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$106.50		$125.67
Gain/Loss	–1.00		–1.00
Total	$105.50		$124.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	47–22		49–20

Rolling the Dice: Rouge Tomate

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Rouge Tomate. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 3-1
One Star: 4-1
Two Stars: 3-1 √√
Three Stars: 60-1
Four Stars: 20,000-1

The Skinny: This week’s Eater odds reflect real uncertainty about this restaurant. In many ways, it’s not the kind of place you’d expect Bruni to love.

Rouge Tomate is like an upscale health spa. It serves the nutritionally balanced meals your mother always told you to eat. There’s no evidence that Bruni likes this type of food. This is the guy who once ate two porterhouses in one evening. It’s also a Belgian import, and Bruni doesn’t love Northern European food. Lastly, it’s on the expensive side, and Bruni tends to weigh price heavily in his star calculations.

Yet, anything lower than two stars would be an insult for this glitzy place. Bruni doesn’t mind delivering a smackdown, but he doesn’t usually choose targets that most of the other critics ignored. The only MSM review to date is four stars from Restaurant Girl, and while I don’t think RG is a good index to Bruni’s thinking, it shows there’s at least one person who likes the food—even if it’s a bit too preachy for its own good.

In hiis new year’s post, Bruni lamented “how under-served and shortchanged the Upper East Side is.” When he wrote that, he probably knew that Rouge Tomate would be his first review of 2009. Now that Bruni finally has a chance to review a restaurant on the UES—something he has rarely done—it’s hard to imagine that he would say, “Don’t bother.”

The Bet: Will Bruni come to praise Caesar Salad or to bury it? We agree with Eater that Bruni will award two stars to Rouge Tomate.

The Payoff: Secession

Update: Scorecard added to bottom of post…

Today, as expected, Frank Bruni laid a goose-egg on David Bouley’s TriBeCa Titanic, Secession:

Menus this epic and indefinable can certainly work, as long as the majority of dishes are appealing in and of themselves. But when as many are as unremarkable or off key as they were at Secession the production comes across as slapdash, undisciplined…

Not much of what emerged from Secession’s seemingly overburdened kitchen rose far above mediocrity. And there were instances of outright sloppiness.

Bruni’s review exactly channels our own experience, from the cold terrines down to the grumpy coat-check woman. (Yes, she was rude to us too.) How hard is it to find someone to check coats with a smile?

Where does Secession go from here? I think Bouley needs to ditch about three-fourths of the menu, hire a new chef de cuisine, and find a new drill sergeant to run the front-of-house.

Thanks to this week’s rather generous odds, we and Eater both win $5 on our hypothetical $1 bets.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$101.50		$120.67
Gain/Loss	+5.00		+5.00
Total	$106.50		$125.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	47–21		49–19

Rolling the Dice: Secession

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

By popular demand—okay, two or three folks asked for it—Rolling the Dice has returned for the first time since July.

The Line: Tomorrow, we have a doozy, as Frank Bruni tackles the TriBeCa trainwreck, David Bouley’s Secession. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 5-1 √√
One Star: 3-1
Two Stars: 6-1
Three Stars: 60-1
Four Stars: 20,000-1

The Skinny: We didn’t like Secession, and we don’t know anyone who did. Eater already gave ample reasons for predicting the goose-egg, which we’ll amplify. Steve Cuozzo liked it, and Cuozzo is practically the anti-Bruni.

Bruni doesn’t like phoned-in restaurants with consulting chefs on the roster and more than 70 items on the menu. He’s not especially fond of French cuisine, which this mostly is. He takes offense at over-priced mediocrity, and faux luxury.

Alain Ducasse’s Benoit managed to eke out an unenthusiastic one-star review. But Benoit, uneven though it is, at least feels authentic. Secession feels fake, and it will take a lot more than just modest tweaks to fix it. You get the sense that Bouley needs a wake-up call. Our man Bruni is the man to deliver it.

The Bet: For the return of “Rolling the Dice,” we thought hard about bucking the Eater prediction. The trouble is, we just can’t make the one-star case. We’re not saying it can’t happen, but we don’t see it.

We agree with Eater that Frank Bruni will award no stars to Secession.

The Month in Bruni

Our weekly BruniBetting contest with Eater has been on hiatus for the past couple of months. That included a couple of weeks when we were on vacation, and another few when Eater posted its predictions too late in the day for us to respond. (Is that a conscious strategy on Eater’s part?)

Five weeks ago, Bruni awarded one star to Persimmon. We were a touch more impressed here, awarding two, but we probably would have agreed with the Eater assessment that one star was more likely.

Four weeks ago, Bruni awarded three stars to Matsugen. We were quite a bit less impressed, awarding two for the food, but deducting a half-star for ambiance. Eater made its most reckless bet ever, putting its dollar on four stars at 9–1 odds, while conceding that three stars was the more likely outcome. We would certainly not have taken the four-star bet. Knowing that Bruni actually awards bonus stars to restaurants without tablecloths, we probably would have taken the three-star bet.

Three weeks ago, Bruni awarded two stars to Perbacco. Eater, overriding his own odds for the second straight week, bet on two stars at 4–1 odds, while admitting that one star was the more likely outcome. We’re not sure how we would have bet, but Eater’s logic was compelling: “The Bruni loves Italian food and loves putting a legitimate sleeper on the map,” and “The other thing that’s in play this week is the Little Owl Theorem, which gets very small restaurants with moderate price, earnest service and overachieving food two stars.” We have no personal experience here, but our sense is that Bruni, as is his wont, rated, the unassuming neighborhood one star too high.

Two weeks ago, for the second time this year, Bruni took the week off.

Last week, Bruni couldn’t find a real restaurant to review, so he awarded one star to the NoLIta train wreck, Elizabeth. We awarded one star too, but that was probably generous, and it was before they fired the chef. Bruni doesn’t normally pull marginal candidates out of the woodwork only to destroy them, so we would have agreed with Eater that one star was the only possible bet.

Finally, we come to this week’s review, arguably another wasted slot: no stars for Michael’s. No one that pays the slightest attention to the food scene has paid attention to Michael’s since the Clinton administration, but it actually had two stars at one time. We’ll allow Bruni one diversion per year to slay a celebrity icon past its prime. Eater took the one-star bet, but I suspect we would have put our buck on zero.

The Payoff: Scarpetta

This week, Frank Bruni reviews Scott Conant’s greatest hits, finding their current home at Scarpetta worth a three very generous stars:

“Spaghetti, tomato and basil.” That’s all it says. That’s pretty much what it is. But however Mr. Conant is choosing and cooking the Roma tomatoes with which he sauces his house-made spaghetti, he’s getting a roundness of flavor and nuance of sweetness that amount to pure Mediterranean bliss…

More than that, it underscored the wisdom of his work at Scarpetta: he’s getting back to the tomato. I mean that not literally but figuratively, in the sense that Mr. Conant, whose cooking took a precious turn when he opened the restaurant Alto in 2005, is mining a more straightforward, soulful vein.

Here’s a reminder: The Bruni didn’t like Alto, finding it “haute and cold.” He awarded just two stars, which was an insult to a restaurant clearly designed for three. After Conant left, Bruni re-reviewed Alto and gave it the three stars it had deserved in the first place. Critics love to be vindicated. At Scarpetta, Conant has abandoned his excellent work at Alto, so Bruni says, “I told you so.”

Ironically, I am fairly certain that the owners of Scarpetta weren’t gunning for three stars. They’ll happily take them, but I’m sure a two-star verdict wouldn’t have carried anything like the disappointment it did at Alto. Scarpetta is a decent enough place, but it is well below any of the other Italian places that have won three stars from Bruni.

Give full credit to Eater, who correctly forecasted that Bruni’s Italian grading curve would be on full display this week. Eater wins $4 on a hypothetical one-dollar bet, while we lose $1.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$97.50		$121.67
Gain/Loss	+4.00		–1.00
Total	$101.50		$120.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	46–21		48–19

Rolling the Dice: Scarpetta

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Scott Conant’s comeback at the Meatpacking-adjacent Scarpetta. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows:

Zero Stars: 12-1
One Star: 5-1
Two Stars: 3-1
Three Stars: 4-1 √√
Four Stars: 10,000-1

The Skinny: We’re reasonably confident that Scarpetta was designed as a two-star concept. The prices, the vibe, the service, all say two stars.

On rare occasions, Bruni has awarded a third star that the restaurant itself probably never planned on, with Dovetail being the most recent example. But that doesn’t happen often. It’s hard enough to get three stars when you’re trying to. An unintended third star is a blessing granted to very few.

Working in Scarpetta’s favor is the two-star kiss that Bruni blew at Bar Milano just four weeks ago. In a way, it’s an insult to the obviously superior Scarpetta to be saddled with the same two stars. With Italian restaurants and Bruni, it never hurts to figure on a star more than the restaurant deserves.

But we know the Italian restaurants Bruni really liked—Babbo, Felidia, Del Posto, A Voce (under Carmellini) and Alto the second time around. We are hard pressed to put Scarpetta in that league. Our 1½-star review may have under-rated it, but we’ve seldom been that far away from Bruni’s assessment.

The Bet: We are betting that Frank Bruni will award a very enthusiastic two stars to Scarpetta.

The Payoff: Szechuan Gourmet

Was there ever any doubt? Yesterday, Frank Bruni awarded two stars to Szechuan Gourmet. Its flaws are considerable. The menu rambles (over 100 items), it’s not as good as Spicy & Tasty in Queens (also two stars), and:

It has its limitations: no hard liquor, a short list of wines you won’t yearn to drink, an even shorter list of desserts so negligible that servers don’t bother to ask if you want one before dropping the check. Meals here can be rushed, especially at lunch, when the restaurant is busiest.

But somehow it manages two stars anyway. It’s a pretty sure bet that Frank will do that when he’s in his “$25 & Under” mood, so we and Eater both win our hypothetical one-dollar bets at 2–1 odds.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$95.50		$119.67
Gain/Loss	+2.00		+2.00
Total	$97.50		$121.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	45–21		48–18

Rolling the Dice: Szechuan Gourmet

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Szechuan Gourmet. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 12-1
One Star: 4-1
Two Stars: 2-1 √√
Three Stars: 8-1
Four Stars: 900-1

The Skinny: We’ve never been to Szechuan Gourmet (we know, we know…fifty lashes with a wet noodle), but Eater’s analysis is compelling. We’re not aware of a previous Times review, so there’s no existing rating that cries out for correction. Therefore, the only conceivable point of the review is that Bruni has something compelling to say. What could that be? In a city where zero-star Chinese is on almost every block, and one-star Chinese is in almost every neighborhood, two stars is the realistic minimum that could be worth calling attention to.

We assume that three-star restaurants don’t hide in plain sight, and in any case Bruni isn’t going to award the trifecta two weeks in a row. That leaves two stars as the only possibility.

The Bet: We agree with Eater that Frank Bruni will award two stars to Szechuan Gourmet.

The Payoff: Oceana

We’re rather late with this week’s edition of The Payoff, as in five days late. Our only excuse is that we’ve been busy.

Anyhow, the news is that Oceana is still great. Who knew? We all do now, thanks to last Wednesday’s three-star review from Frank Bruni:

I RARELY hear people chattering about Oceana anymore. They don’t mention it as a special-occasion restaurant they yearn to try. They don’t mention it as a favorite they circle back to.

Say the restaurant’s name even to some diners who diligently canvas the city’s dining scene, eager not to lose touch with anything noteworthy, and you can tell that Oceana has slipped away from them…

But more than a decade and a half since it opened, Oceana presses on, still proud, still vital, still very much worth boarding.

Its owners, the Livanos family, who also operate the Greek restaurant Molyvos and the Italian restaurant Abboccato, obviously care about Oceana, which they’ve steered through several chef changes: from Rick Moonen to Mr. Gallagher, and then to Ben Pollinger, who took over in late 2006.

Like a number of other people, I was skeptical when this review was announced. Given the rarity of re-reviews, I thought it made more sense to review Oceana when it moves next year, rather than now, when it’s nearing the end of a sixteen-year run in its old digs.

But Bruni made a persuasive case that the review made sense. Although he doesn’t admit it, about 90% of his reviews are really just confirmations of critical judgments the market has already made for itself. It isn’t often that he can actually draw attention to an excellent place the food cogniscenti had ignored. As far as I’m concerned, he can do that all he wants. It’s never too early to celebrate excellence.

We and Eater both anticipated a demotion to two stars. We both lose on our hypothetical one-dollar bets.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$96.50		$120.67
Gain/Loss	–1.00		–1.00
Total	$95.50		$119.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	44–21		47–18