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The Payoff: Ago

Today, the Brunatrix bends Ago over the table and administers a first-class spanking, with only the third POOR rating of his tenure:

She led us to a round table little bigger than a bike wheel. When our four appetizers later arrived and claimed every square millimeter of it, the waiter audibly contemplated balancing a fifth, communal appetizer that we’d ordered on top of our wine glasses…

This restaurant isn’t in the hospitality business. It’s in the attitude business, projecting an aloofness that permeated all of my meals there, nights of wine and poses for swingers on the make, cougars on the prowl and anyone else who values a sort of facile fabulousness over competent service or a breaded veal Milanese with any discernible meat.

The one I had one night was pounded so thin that the breading on top met the breading on the bottom without pausing for much of anything in between. A vegan could have made peace with it…

The review proves that Ago is doubly incompetent. In the first place, it offers terrible service to its non-VIP customers. And in the second place, even when it has a VIP customer, it doesn’t even know the difference.

This review also proves that critic anonymity works. There are about 15 times when the restaurant could have partially redeemed itself, if only they’d recognized that they were serving Frank Bruni. Critics that always trumpet their presence—Restaurant Girl, for instance—are practically assured of never having such an experience.

Eater and I both predicted a zero-star review. We both win $3 on our hypothetical one-dollar bets.

              Eater          NYJ
Bankroll $88.50   $108.67
Gain/Loss +3.00   +3.00
Total $91.50   $111.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost 41–18   43–16

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