Rolling the Dice: Moim

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Moim, the four-month-old Park Slope Korean. The Eater oddsmadkers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 8-1
One Star: 3-1 √√
Two Stars: 6-1
Three Stars: 50-1
Four Stars: 25,000-1

The Skinny: This week’s Bruni target is something of a wild card. The owners, Kiho Park and Saeri Yoo Park, were featured a couple of months ago in a New York Times piece about their Park Slope brownstone, but I could not find a single review of their restaurant. The chef, Saeri Yoo, has some serious credentials, with stints at Spice Market, Café Gray and The Modern.

Bruni has never issued a zero-star review outside of Manhattan. Given the rarity of his outer-borough visits, it would be silly to write a review only to say, “Don’t bother,” especially for a restaurant that the other critics had already ignored. So you can bet that Bruni is going to be fairly enthusiastic. The only question is: one star or two?

Bruni definitely has a two-star bias when he reviews an earnest out-of-the-way family-owned place. It has happened over & over again. You can bet that when he walked in the door, he was itching to pull the trigger on two stars. Is Moim good enough? Eater seems to have a good point: if it were that good, surely it couldn’t have flown under-the-radar for so long.

The Bet: We agree with Eater that Frank Bruni will award an enthusiastic one star to Moim.

The Payoff: Centro Vinoteca

Today, Frank Bruni loves the fried food at Centro Vinoteca, but there’s enough wrong with everything else to knock the restaurant down to one star:

Here’s the ordering guide you need for Centro Vinoteca: if you see the word fried, or if you see any apparent derivation of the Italian word fritto (which means fried), or if you see a word that calls to mind either of those other ones (e.g. fritter), get whatever it’s attached to. And get anything else that you suspect may be fried.

For quite a while, you’re sure Bruni has boarded the two-star train. He loves the piccolini (which means “very small things”), though he’s irritated that they’re listed on a separate menu:

An annoyance in addition to the deafening commotion is the presentation of that piccolini card apart from the rest of the menu, so that you can’t evaluate your interest in these snacks, which take on a compulsory air, before you’ve seen your other options. Is this method designed to guarantee larger aggregate food orders and higher tabs?

The complaints mount, and we realize Centro Vinoteca doesn’t have the angels on its side:

Ms. Burrell went overboard with a sloppy, heavy amalgam of lamb Bolognese, fried onions and fried gnocchi — it’s the fried exception that proves the fried rule. Her judgment erred as well with overly bitter broccoli rabe and Swiss chard ravioli.

Eater made the very reasonable guess that a Mario Batali protegée would get a sloppy, wet, two-star kiss from Frank, but it wasn’t to be—proving that even a Batali connection is no guarantee of Frank’s undying love. On our hypothetical $1 bets, NYJ wins $3, while Eater loses $1.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$53.50		$52.67
Gain/Loss	–1.00		+3.00
Total	$52.50		$55.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	21–6		20–7

Rolling the Dice: Centro Vinoteca

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Centro Vinoteca, the latest in a long line of neighborhood Italian joints that have caught his eye. The Eater oddsmadkers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 5-1
One Star: 3-1
Two Stars: 4-1 √√
Three Stars: 50-1
Four Stars: 25,000-1

The Skinny: The official odds reflect the randomness of Bruni’s ratings. When Frank is driving the bus, almost anything is possible, from a rather dull one star to an enthusiastic deuce. How many Italian “formula” restaurants can get two stars? Frank tends to reserve that rating for the earnest family-owned places (like Sfoglia)…which this isn’t.

The Bet: We are betting that Frank Bruni will award one star to Centro Vinoteca. Wake me up when it’s over.

The Payoff: Park Avenue Autumn

Today, Frank Bruni is smitten with Park Avenue Autumn, turning in a quite enthusiastic two-star review.

It’s not often that I have the feeling that Bruni and I dined at different places. If I’ve dined there at around the same time, I usually feel like he’s describing the same experience as I had. When my rating is different, it’s because I weigh the value of that experience differently, not because I feel he’s describing something alien.

But today, Bruni’s enthusiasm for Park Avenue Autumn is truly unrecognizable in relation to the very mediocre meal we had there not long ago. I can only assume that we caught the restaurant on an off-night: such things can happen.

Unfortunately, it means I am a loser today, and Eater is a winner on our hypothetical one-dollar bets. Eater wins $4 at 4–1 odds, while I lose $1.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$49.50		$53.67
Gain/Loss	+4.00		–1.00
Total	$53.50		$52.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	21–5		19–7

Rolling the Dice: Park Avenue Autumn

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Park Avenue Autumn, the only restaurant in town that changes its name four times a year. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 4-1
One Star: 3-1
Two Stars: 4-1 √√
Three Stars: 750-1
Four Stars: 25,000-1

The Skinny: The Eater odds are a little funny sometimes. Frank Bruni gave zero stars last week to Wakiya, and he isn’t going to award a donut twice in a row, so the only outcomes truly in play here are one or two stars.

We weren’t impressed with Park Avenue Autumn’s summertime incarnation, awarding zero. Much as I disagree with Bruni sometimes, our ratings have seldom been more than one star apart. That alone would incline me to take the one-star bet.

On top of that, Bruni is seldom enthralled with “scene-y” places, which this unquestionably is. And he also tends to punish (as he should) high-priced restaurants with uneven performance, which I also think this is.

The Bet: We are betting that Frank Bruni will award one star to Park Avenue Autumn.

The Payoff: Wakiya

Today, as expected, Ian Schrager is eating goose eggs and bagels for breakfast, as Frank Bruni dropped the hammer on the over-hyped Wakiya. Bruni has his bad days, but here he delivers a delicious takedown:

[T]here’s a crushing sense of letdown … an experience in which pleasures are flickering and unreliable, in which the slickness of the gleaming red-and-black setting and the poise of the best servers are undercut by inconsistent cooking and dishes that too often look three times as good as they taste.

Out comes the “fiery pepper hunt chicken,” one of Mr. Wakiya’s signature dishes. It’s a glittering hillock of bright red Chouten peppers, there to infuse the chicken with a tingly heat but not to be eaten, as your server playfully warns you. You tunnel with your chopsticks to the buried chunks of battered, wok-fried meat, and what’s your reward? Nuggets no more tender than those you retrieve from many a drive-through window.

Eater and I both both win $4 at 4–1 odds on our hypothetical one-dollar bets.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$45.50		$49.67
Gain/Loss	+4.00		+4.00
Total	$49.50		$53.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	20–5		19–6

Rolling the Dice: Wakiya

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Wakiya, the new haute Chinese place in the Gramercy Park Hotel. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 4-1 √√
One Star: 3-1
Two Stars: 10-1
Three Stars: 750-1
Four Stars: 25,000-1

The Skinny: Wakiya had a star-cross’d birth. It was originally supposed to be run by Alan Yau, whose Michelin-starred Hakkasan is one of the hottest restaurants in London. When Yau backed out of the project, the Nobu team stepped into the breach, including chef Nobu Masuhisa and his protegé Yuji Wakiya, for whom the restaurant is named.

Early reports suggest that the place is long on attitude and short on results. Wakiya managed the rare feat of getting panned by both Andrea Strong and the Restaurant Girl, the city’s two most easily-pleased critics, as well as the not-so-easily pleased Adam Platt in New York. In Time Out New York, the star-happy Randall Lane handed out four of them, while the Post’s Steve Cuozzo (under “idealized p.r.-massaged conditions”) thought Wakiya had promise. On the BruniBlog, Frank complained about the restaurant’s reservations policy. He gave no hints about his view of the food, but he wasn’t happy about the sky-high prices.

You can never discount the possibility of a one-star review, as Frank Bruni has given a singleton to plenty of mediocre places. But with Platt, Strong and RG giving zero, or the equivalent of zero, we aren’t tempted to take that bet.

The Bet: We agree with Eater that Frank Bruni will award no stars to Wakiya.

The Payoff: Gemma

Today, as expected, a clearly bored Frank Bruni awards one star to Gemma:

These are the makings of Gemma, a cheat sheet of a restaurant whose proprietors take fewer risks than a hurricane-insurance agent in Nebraska. They’ve turned to a fundamentally earnest cuisine for calculated purposes, and they know that many diners sprinting to the newest hot spot don’t really want to find anything new. They want reassurance that they’ve mastered what’s worth knowing.

That applied to knockoffs of French bistros and brasseries in past decades and it applies to post-red-sauce evocations of Italian enotecas, osterias and the like in this one. The moment-conscious diner now talks of salumi, not charcuterie, and if he or she is feeling blue, it’s for Gorgonzola more often than Roquefort (with Cabrales making inroads).

You’ve got to remember that at least 80% of diners actually prefer “formula restaurants,” although they tend to bore the critics. Gemma probably wouldn’t have been reviewed, but for the pedigree of its owners. Frank actually found a few dishes he liked: an “impeccable” chicken, a “buttery” branzino. And he loved the space, with tables spaced more generously than usual. All that added up to one star.

Eater and I both both win $1 at even-money odds on our hypothetical one-dollar bets.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$44.50		$48.67
Gain/Loss	+1.00		+1.00
Total	$45.50		$49.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	19–5		18–6

Rolling the Dice: Gemma

Every week, we take our turn with Lady Luck on the BruniBetting odds as posted by Eater. Just for kicks, we track Eater’s bet too, and see who is better at guessing what the unpredictable Bruni will do. We track our sins with an imaginary $1 bet every week.

The Line: Tomorrow, Frank Bruni reviews Gemma, the new Italian place in the Bowery Hotel, brought to you by the folks behind the Waverly Inn and La Bottega. The Eater oddsmakers have set the action as follows (√√ denotes the Eater bet):

Zero Stars: 4-1
One Star: EVEN √√
Two Stars: 9-1
Three Stars: 75-1
Four Stars: 25,000-1

The Skinny: First of all, we need to pop some caffeine pills, to keep ourselves awake as Frank Bruni reviews yet another Italian restaurant. Why doesn’t he just move to Italy? Oh, I forgot. He did that already.

The leading indicators aren’t in Gemma’s favor. The same crew’s La Bottega (also in a hotel), earned a goose-egg from Amanda Hesser 3½ years ago, while the Waverly Inn managed an unenthusiastic star from Frank Bruni nine months ago.

Early critical reports on Gemma aren’t exactly raves. In New York, Adam Platt tossed out one star, “half a star for the food, and another half for the space.” Restaurant Girl had 1½ stars in the Daily News, which on her scale means “hit or miss,” noting that it is “certainly not a serious culinary endeavour.”

We dismiss any chance of two stars or above. Frank Bruni isn’t going to be under-cut by the Restaurant Girl. Won’t. Happen. The only question is: one star or zero? If this wasn’t an Italian restaurant, we’d be on the zero-star train faster than Frank Bruni can say crudo. And I have to say I’m sorely tempted, given the low odds Eater is offering this week at the one-star level.

Then again, this is Italian, which nearly always carries a one-star premium in Bruni’s version of the star system.

The Bet: Until we see Frank Bruni give zero stars to an Italian restaurant, we have to assume it can’t happen. We agree with Eater that Bruni will aware one star to Gemma.

The Payoff: Peter Luger Steakhouse

Today, as expected, Frank Bruni awarded a weak two stars to Peter Luger Steakhouse, a downgrade from its former rating of three stars. The review practically wrote itself. Simply put, the restaurant doesn’t deliver excellence as consistently as it used to. With a multitude of Luger clones in Manhattan that are as good or better, one can no longer turn a blind eye to the restaurant’s many faults. Indeed, from the text of the review, Bruni could easily have justified just one star, rather than the two he gave.

Bruni’s timing is certainly open to question. The review mentioned that renovations are in progress. As there was no particular urgency for this review, would it not have been better to wait until the remodeling was complete? The only thing that has really changed since Ruth Reichl’s 1997 review is the addition of a rib steak to the menu (which Bruni loved both times he tried it).

With Luger’s demotion, New York is now without a three-star steakhouse. Given Bruni’s obvious affection for the format, I have to wonder if he’s looking for an excuse to award the third star to his own personal favorite of the bunch. I’m not sure which steakhouse it would be, as there is no obvious front-runner for the title. I also know that some people feel that steakhouses are too formulaic, and shouldn’t qualify for three stars no matter how good they are, but I don’t buy that argument.

Eater and I both took the two-star bet at 2–1 odds. We both win $2 on our hypothetical one-dollar bets.

	Eater		NYJ
Bankroll	$42.50		$46.67
Gain/Loss	+2.00		+2.00
Total	$44.50		$48.67
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Won–Lost	18–5		17–6